Horrible Night!

Well I had a horrible night of bad depressing dreams of childhood memories last night. If it wasn't for the few good memories I have I'd just as soon forget them all. For some reason the memory of having to sit alone on the small seat at the very back of the bus every day as no one wanted me to sit with them came into my thoughts and the pain and despair that I felt then came into my heart and soul. There I was with a bus load of other children with a good many of them being cousins of mine and looking out the window and trying not to hear them laugh at me or see them pointing at me. Grandma would always tell me that,"Children are the meanest people on earth" and that I needed to just ignore them. I wasn't aloud to be mean or cruel to another child and if I was caught being that way I had to apologize to that child as well as their parents. I always felt like I didn't belong as no one else was made to apologize like that. Painful events like that don't just go away and people don't get over them all the time no matter how many people TELL THEM THEY HAVE TO LET IT GO... The bus seat event was throughout high school. I can't change the past but that pain remains in the recesses of my brain and once in awhile it pops out and I'm there all over again. That feeling of being alone with people all around is quite full of despair.