EARLY Mornings!

I have three more weeks of 3 AM starts on Mondays and Wednesdays... ah the "joy" of Christmas. It's really hard to have any Christmas spirit when you've been looking at and moving Christmas stuff around for MONTHS before Christmas. And we've been getting in so much MORE of EVERYTHING since our direct competition closed. I'm so weary of the stuff. Ah well... at least I am getting some descent hours that I know will not last after the New Year. And I will enjoy them while they last. I understand how Retail Payroll is limited but it doesn't mean I have to like it when I am the one getting cut. I do sometimes miss the money attached to Management but I in no way miss any of the STRESS! So we will just adjust our spending and continue being creative in how we manage our income.

Scott and  I will not be buying gifts for many this year as we just can't afford it and the family has gotten so large. I may make a few small gifts but nothing major. None of my siblings have shone an interest in gift exchanging in years so I don't see a reason to anymore either. I LOVE to give but I also like to feel the gifts are appreciated. I put a lot of myself in the things I make and it does hurt when they are not appreciated. Besides I feel like a total outsider most of the time and they don't have time for me anymore.  No pity party... just accepting the fact.

Perhaps it is too early for me to be writing a post as this sure does sound all WOE IS ME! But it is how I am feeling these days.

You know it really is no wonder people become isolated from their families when no one reaches out to the others. After awhile the infrequent invitations into their lives become...  well... a bit shallow. I mean it's like ... "oh yeah.. I suppose we should invite them". But it's been so long since the person invited has spoken with them they feel... well... like a complete burden and after thought. The apprehension level is so high it makes them throw up a barrier and return a RSVP with a "No". It's not that they don't want to see their family anymore it's just that they'd like to feel a part of their lives and not just as an obligation or after thought. Ah well it is what it is and I should be used to it all by now... it's been my life and my experience and that is how it is and it will not change. So I will find love and support from my dear husband and our son. I will search out people that enjoy me for me and truly want me in their lives.

This is just a post of me venting and coming to acceptance and moving on.